Give yourself a little mental test …

Read this:

Brand X, a leading provider of design and development of content rich solutions for self-service, digital merchandising and digital signage applications, today unveiled its WhizBang™ digital signage offering, designed for banking institutions to easily localize and communicate updated rates and new product information to customers in real time. Utilizing “off the shelf” digital photo frame hardware, the bank’s brand messages, content and interest rates can be displayed at individual teller stations or on larger format screens strategically placed in different areas of the branch.

Were I not asking you, would you have made it much past the “a leading provider of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah” stuff to get to the actual point of the release that went out today? Maybe. Maybe not.

You can bore the pants and skirts off people with the “yeah, yeah whatever” stuff and hope they hang in there, or you can get to the point with a press release.

How about: “Localized bank content, real-time interest rates and brand messaging  can now be displayed right down to individual teller stations using a new WhizBang Digital Signage for Banks product developed and announced today by Big City-based interactive firm, Brand X.”

Or something like that. The point is: companies need to jump right to the core value proposition of the product. If they insist on boring people with all the chest-beating nonsense about being leaders, do it later on.

The rest of the release, by the way, is on balance not too bad. It hits the key points and backs them up. The writer just could not resist sticking to that deadly boring opening formula of establishing whoever is a leader. As stated before, the leader phrase is meaningless, and you need to get readers interested in your service or product, and THEN provide your credibility message.

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